thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
