O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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