I wannas sexs uuuuu
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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