And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
