I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
