EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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