Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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