Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
