She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
