Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
