She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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