You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
