i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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