FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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