You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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