idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
