What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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