We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
