Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
