Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
