you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
