Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
