Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
