My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
