I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
