If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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