I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
