The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
