idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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