3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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