a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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