Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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