i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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