Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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