i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
