So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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