if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
