Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
