You just made me feel so damn special
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
