My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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