if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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