just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
