I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
