it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
