i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
