At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
