Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
