I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
