I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm always down for nudity.
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