Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
