his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
