They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
