Just fell off a train. Bad.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So. Much. Porn.
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