i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
