Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pants are for mortals
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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