Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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