be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
