The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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