is your mom at the bar?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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