Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
