Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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