Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
