I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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