You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
